i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
