he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
