He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
