I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
