Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
