I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
