respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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