normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
