arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
