she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
