Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
