id be glad to
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
They have beer where we have blood.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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