My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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