I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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