So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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