This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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