you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
