i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
