My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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