i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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