Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
