so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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