Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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