There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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