So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
