dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
