reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
