look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
