i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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