you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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