He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
