the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
