im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
