Only a mothe r could love this liver
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
