i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
