im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
