How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
