I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
