do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
