I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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