don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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