Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Randomize
