My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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