shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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