grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
