Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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