Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
