NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
