i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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