i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
