Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
