I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
