She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
