It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
