I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Do vagina's smell?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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